How are you feeling about social media?
new moon, new season + pluto retro = ch-ch-chaaaanges
You may, or may not, have noticed that I’ve taken the summer off from sharing anything to social media, both personally and professionally. It’s been an interesting time; revelatory, revolutionary and restful.
I’ve taken breaks before, but never like this.
I am increasingly aware of the noise, energy and discordant information that we are tapping in and out of everyday and how this affects us. It doesn’t feel good. People tell me all the time, how their time on social media does not feel good for them. Our digital habits driven by lots of time spent online for work, for entertainment, learning and communication these past two decades, are seemingly becoming more noticeable.
I deleted Facebook off my phone a few months ago, over lunch with one of my dearests, in a mutual pact to see if it would free up some space in our heads. I had spent the previous month muting anything I found annoying or triggering, things that had me asking, why are you sharing that? Both of others and of myself. I noticed that I was running subconscious thoughts/ feelings about people based off what they posted, and not always good things either! One of my friends shared how she noticed she experienced something similar… Say a friend posted something, sharing about their work, it would elicit an eye roll, rather than a sense of encouragement, which, we agreed, is not how we want to be feeling about our friends!
“In 1962, Marshall McLuhan coined “global village” to describe the phenomenon of the entire world being interconnected as the result of media technology. He used “message” to signify content and character The content of the medium is a message that can be easily grasped. The character of the medium is another message, which can be easily overlooked. In therapy, this is explained by the difference between process, the way you talk, and content, what you’re talking about. The medium is how you communicate. The message is what you are communicating. If 80% of communication is non verbal (the process) that means our words (the content) are at best able to reflect 20% of our meaning. Algorithms and platforms are the media’s attempt to compensate for that missing 80%.”
Our Digital Soul. Collective Anxiety, Media, Trauma and a Path Toward Recovery by Jenny Black &
After just a few weeks of Facebook being off our phones, even though there had been a bit of discomfort / agitation while we detoxed from scrolling, we were both relieved by no longer tapping in everyday. Our minds are not designed to take in so much from so many sources.
So I then said to myself that once my role with Glastonbury Festival was finished for this year, I would also try taking Instagram off my phone too. I knew if I managed to get some space from Instagram that it could be a game changer for my brain. I have always had IG on my phone for work, I’ve always had access to multiple accounts for clients and I have often been tied to the app and have not had very good boundaries with it. Even when I’ve taken breaks from posting, I haven’t taken the same kind of break from checking content for clients or from scrolling, checking stats etc.
I had already decided to take some time off this summer, when I experienced a deeply personal loss, the death of my dear dad. We chose as a family not to share this news on social media, which was interesting in of itself, to feel an unspoken expectation of digital society to post about it online. I suppose we have the legacy of posting obituaries in the local newspaper in times gone by. Instead of posting about it publicly, we let the news ripple out organically to the people in our lives. Any desire I had to be public about anything also came to a halt. Time and space, priorities and presence, all changed for me. In choosing not to share this in the digital town square, I also felt like I couldn’t really share authentically about anything, nor did I want to at that time.
This feeling of wanting more privacy has been growing inside of me for a while now. I now find it quite fascinating how happy we / I have been to share so much online… How we / I have been trained to do so by the platforms themselves, by the media, marketeers, social media influencers and digital society itself. Is it that vulnerability and authenticity supposedly sells, so we share everything and anything, whilst the social media networks get more and more data from us?
Last year, was the first time in more than a decade that I went on holiday and didn’t share any pictures from it on socials, despite it being a very instagrammable place! This was quite a big turning moment for me… Why do we / I have this need, desire or think we need / want to share? Is it in the name of BTS (behind the scenes) or to keep up with an algorithm, or with the Jones’? Is it our own need for validation or for attention that drives our sharing? I’m sure it is multi-faceted, personal, subjective and unique, much like the algorithms themselves. Do you ever question why you share something?
I’m pretty sure it’s how we have been programmed and no group have been more so, I expect, than our teens of today. I am really interested in their experience with social media and how it differs to mine as a forty five year old adult. This recent feature length piece ran in the Sunday Times Magazine, which I found a valuable read:
What happened when I made my sons and their friends go without smartphones
Hours they would have spent scrolling allowed time for “things that make you feel actually good about yourself”, Lincoln says. He trained with his dad, went to the rugby club, saw relatives. Elliot walked the dog with his dad; Rose played football with neighbours; Rowan read a 700-page book about basketball.
Endless scrolling, Lincoln says, wrinkling his nose, “feels like spending a whole day not brushing your teeth”. His screen time limit is three hours; now he uses only 40-60 minutes. Several say they felt less tired, but Rowan doesn’t put this down simply to more sleep. “It’s probably ’cos my brain wasn’t doing loads and loads of stuff.” Isaac felt more focused and efficient — “streamlined” — but also younger. “It made me feel like I was a small child again. In a good way. It was just calming. It flattened everything out.”
Despite all this, every single teen would have “hated” to do the experiment alone. “It would have felt like a punishment” to Rowan; “weird and isolating” to Elliot. Dahlia now feels “vigilant” about protecting her younger sister from social media, as does every older sibling. Edie and Rose’s little sister has been begging her parents for a phone. “But why would you give your child a phone?” Rose fumes. “If you realise how harmful it is — just pressure and nicknames and labels and impossible standards — why would you give your kids that?”
I believe it’s time to define and redefine our digital citizenship, prioritising our wellbeing and developing new, personal and collective algorithms to navigate the digital paradigm.
How are you feeling about social media, in your life and in your business, at the moment?
Sorry to hear of the loss of your dad Katie
I resonate with much you say about the socials. I’ve been struck over and over by the overwhelm of knowing so much about so many - this relationship breakdown, this holiday, these kids exam results, deeply saddening photos of war and totally random ads as well - all in the space of maybe 10 mins - very indigestible!
My neurodiverse young person is REALLY
struggling with this and FB and IG have a marked effect on his mental health causing shouty meltdowns. His phone is currently hidden in an undisclosed location.
I have had a summer of playtime… I needed it. Social media received very little attention with only some scattered IG posts … dotted about.
I have not missed it. Then again I don’t have a big desire to scroll ( I get bored easily - lets be honest it is a sea of performers most of the time and I don’t feel the need to be entertained)
I am sorry for your loss of your dear papa… grief requires a little ‘ solitude’ just so you can feel every shitty emotion and connect to lost memories. You certainly didn’t need to doom scroll and numb out this precious healing moment.
as for your holiday ( again somethings are just for us to experience) - I have an amazing picture of me snorkling in the Cayman Islands ( nobody as seen it : its just for me - my moment)
with love …